Handy Tips

Tip #1 - The women in Chinese villages are extremely aggressive when it comes to selling their goods. Extremely. Really. No words can describe. If you buy something, don't wear it or have it where they can see it. You are thinking, "They will see that I've already bought something and therefore will go elsewhere to find a more likely prospect." They are thinking, "Sucker."

Tips #2 and #3 - If you find yourself being an honored guest in a Miao village, be prepared for the welcoming ceremony. The women of the village line the steps, each with bowls of rice wine. You must drink it or they are offended. You would think that a party of 35 people could spread themselves out so that each person only has to drink one or two bowls, but that's not the way it's done. Every lip must touch every bowl (let's not even consider the sanitation issues here...) For those of you who think this sounds fabulous, let me tell you what we call rice wine in the states: turpentine. Tip #2 - Keep your lips mostly closed and let it dribble down your chin. It'll evaporate quickly and cure your acne. Tip #3 - Join a fraternity. Go through hazing. Then come to China.

Tip #4 - If an old man invites you to come back to his house to see his calligraphy, go with him. (This tip does not work in Chicago, most parts of Wisconsin and Michigan, or anywhere there are neon lights. Please consult your physician or pastor for additional guidance in this matter).